Mid-2018 Check-In

I’ve been rather silent for the last few months, not only in terms of posting to the interwebs, but also in my everyday life. This silence stemmed from 3 parts of my life, each of which was eating up my sanity bit by bit. I’ll talk about the things I’ve learned and worked on over the past few months, as well as what I’m looking forward to in the remaining 168 days of 2018.

Part 1 \\ What’s Been Happening

Remember my 12-week year goals? Well by now there should have been two of those, and I’ve accomplished none. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m a planner but I suck at doing. It’s possible to come up with a myriad of excuses, but really it all comes down to my lack of discipline and my penchant for ruminating on the future. Here’s a shortlist of what else has been happening, and how I’ve been feeling about all of it:

  • Work. I don’t talk about work. I don’t like talking about it.
  • Relationships. This year had been full of trials and tribulations with regards to relationships with the people in my life. I’ve lost actively cut out people from my life. I’ve sought new friendships. I’ve thought about my ‘end-game’ in what I want out of my relationships. Now, I’m just a little lost. I’m having trouble trusting the people I thought I could trust, so I’ve been looking for other ways to fill this emotional hole. I know what I’m looking for, and that is a posse of people with whom I have a relationship as well as a meaningful bond with each individual person. This may sound cliquey, but all my life I’ve just wanted to belong somewhere. I haven’t found that yet and I wonder every day if I’ll ever.
  • Living. I moved to the West Village. It’s beautiful. It’s great. It’s just a lot of work to get the apartment up and running the way I want it to be. I’m still working on putting the home in order, but I’m almost there. My deadline for getting everything up is September.
  • Intellectual. Been listening to a lot of Tim Ferris podcasts when there’s downtime. I know working for myself is in the future, so just getting some inspiration from those who have already done it. I’ve also been trying to read Ray Dalio’s Principles: Life & Work, but haven’t been getting very far. See? Lack of discipline.
  • Fitness. Ever since moving, I’ve been very irregular with my fitness routine. Before moving I was doing 1 Personal Training session, 1-2 hard workouts (Flywheel or Barry’s), and 1 Yoga class. Nowadays I’m mostly doing the 1 PT and 1 hard workout. I did sign up for Equinox last month, although I’ve barely used it so far. It’s definitely on my calendar to make better use of that awfully expensive gym membership. I personally think unless I stop eating so much, I won’t get to the fitness level I’d always desired. Food before fitness, everyone.
  • Recreation. To be honest, I haven’t really been doing ‘fun’ in a structural way. I go to maybe 1 music/theatrical event a month now; the rest of my time I spend on errands, personal care, working out, and interior decorating. I did go to a few broadway/off-broadways this year. The most memorable of them was the pop-up theatrical experience, Behind the City, by Third Rail Projects. It was so beautiful, I was crying a little on the inside.

Part 2 \\ What I’m Doing (or hope to do)

I’ve always lived with a sense of urgency… as if I’m racing against the clock to get to my destination faster, to make sure I experience everything I need to before I die. I have always felt like I’ve been on the losing end of this battle… that I’m not living every day to the fullest, that I shouldn’t be staring at my computer but should rather be seizing the day to its fullest potential. Maybe that’s why I love to make lists… lists of all sorts so that I can get all of these thoughts out of my head.

Some things I’m working towards by year-end:

  • Plan out my year-end vacations. Go somewhere I’ve never been before for Thanksgiving and the Winter holidays.
  • Declutter my belongings (again). I have too much crap.
  • Throw a housewarming. I’ve never thrown a party in my life and I’ve always wanted to do it.
  • Go on a weekend trip along the east coast somewhere. Just get away for a little bit.
  • Be a better friend. Vague, I know, but I’ve been really thinking hard about my actions around and toward the people I call my friends.
  • Start noting down systems. Inspired by Ray Dalio, I’m trying to note down rules for my everyday life so that they can act as shorthands for future decision-making.
  • Revisit tattoo designs. I’d been thinking about tattoo designs for 4 years now, but it’s been a on-again and off-again thing. I’m at that age to really commit to something imo.

Part 3 \\ Some Closing Thoughts

By my standards, 2018 hasn’t been a great year. I’m hopeful that I can turn it around, though. I’m after all, an optimist.

What I’m listening to…

Fresh from the amazing Anjunadeep Open Air event at the Brooklyn Mirage on Saturday 7/14, I’ve been listening to a lot of Luttrell’s songs. I must say that my favorite set at Saturday’s event was Yotto’s (possibly because I kind of remember it, as opposed to the Lane 8 one…) especially because it started pouring as the beat dropped. It was a beautiful night, surrounded by beautiful souls. Enjoy.

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